I've been really busy...ignoring you.

No, really. I thought after not one, but two, T-W-O, that's 2, the number that comes after one but before three, blog posts you'd see what I was trying to say. I mean I thought the last blog post was pretty damn blunt, but perhaps I was wrong. Apparently it hasn't sunk in, or maybe you just can't read (don't read?). 


So, here it is for you, on a blog that you probably won't bother to actually click on, but you'll "like" the post on my facebook page just to pretend like we are super best friends, or some shit.

1) I have not returned your facebook messages because you pissed me off.
2) You pissed me off.
3) You pissed me off.
4) You pissed me off, see my previous blog post, and scroll down to the first blog post.
5) For the reasons 1-4 I have also not returned your emails.

For once I am glad you don't have a cell phone because if you were texting me it would get REALLY annoying to ignore you.

In closing, I leave you with this picture:

You received a high school diploma (I think) at least talk like you have accomplished that.

Perhaps I wasn't bitchy enough the first time.

I will make it more simple this time around: if you still talk to his ex, you are dead to me.

Don't ask me why we don't talk anymore.

I might as well be a private detective

So, I mean seriously, why are you going to sit there and lie to my face? Does my bored, glazed over expression every time you speak give off the impression that I am dimwitted? If that is the case I will try to appear more interested in our conversations, because either your mental ability is so low that you don't understand why I ask a very detailed, explicit question-or you think that my intelligence is too low to realize you are telling a big ol' fat fib. Either case is not a good one. Ladies and gents, mostly gents, don't act like you're not impressed over what you are about to read.

First I will address the men: Men, if your woman thinks you are lying, or even if she knows you are telling the truth, you sure as hell better have all your ducks in a row because she will double check everything you say. EVERYTHING.  Why? Because we know that men are shady as fuck. If a woman asks you a very specific, detailed question- you damn well better come clean even if you told the whole truth, half the truth, 3/4 of the truth or none of it. Because there is one reason and one reason only that that overly specific question is being asked: She already knows the answer. Mind blown? I know. If your lady is nice enough to give you this one opportunity to come clean, you damn well better come clean. She might accept your lying response and pretend to believe it. But that is just the beginning inside her mind she is hatching a plan, a plan that will catch you completely off guard-and when the moment is just right, she will launch her nuclear attack and you will be left so completely incapacitated you'll wish someone would just shoot you to put you out of your misery.

You might be asking yourself "How the hell does she know the truth? I was so sneaky!" Well men, you can quit stroking your beards because I am about to tell you a woman's most powerful secret: The gift of gab, and the gift of unfailing intuition. Women will talk to whoever the hell they need to talk to, to get the information they are after. Besides talking women like to partake in research, and by research I mean facebook stalking, or google stalking. We will find out everything about everyone you have so much as sneezed next to.  Any women who denies this is lying.

So for the ladies, I'd hate to rewrite everything I wrote above, and since we are all on the same page, we pretty much know that we don't trust each other. When you are asking me a very specific question I know you are asking me for two reasons: 1) you already know the answer and want to see just how much you can't trust me; and 2) you need to get the information for someone else who is curious.

In conclusion: people in general are shady. Trust no one and you'll live a happy life.

I'm sorry you have to buy school supplies, NOT.

Yesterday, I was shopping at my local Target which is in an upper middle class neighborhood. Being a teacher, I was really excited that Target has just launched their huge new school supplies section. Being a title 1 school teacher, I was really excited to find 17 cent (!!!!!!) notebooks that I could buy for my entire class. If you are unfamiliar with what a title 1 school is, it is a school that is funded for having a majority of the students are at risk, or living in poverty. At my school, most of the students can't even afford pencils to do their homework with-let alone food to eat at home. 


Ok, I am digressing, SO here I am excitedly calling my mother and texting my boyfriend telling them how thrilled I am that I found these notebooks for such a good price that I can buy for my kids (add these notebooks to the growing bags of supplies that currently floods my trunk for my classroom next year); I mean I couldn't believe that I could buy 70 books for under $12. WOW! That's enough spiral notebooks to last my kids all year! I'm sitting on the floor of target, counting out notebooks and adding them to my overflowing cart (which was filled with $1 books for my classroom library), when a woman approaches me with her two young children. This is how it went down:

Her: "Look at all those books, you must be a teacher"
Me: "Haha, yea I am."
Her: "I don't understand why you teachers tell parents to go buy all these supplies when you are just going to buy it yourself anyway!"
Me: "Ma'am I am paying for these with my own money, I do not get reimbursed for these materials."
Her: "So? I am spendng my own money on these too!!"
Me: "Ma'am that is your  own child's  school supplies for the year."
Her: " I don't get why you teachers ask me to buy four of one thing when my kid is only in first grade! For God's sake why does he need four notebooks?" *waving a 17 cent notebook in my face*
Me: "They are used for different subjects at the teachers discretion, if she asked for them she has a use in mind for them."
Her: " Yea right! My kid won't be using all this in first grade! I bet it's going to the kids who don't bring in school supplies. You know what I say about that? Too bad! You should have brought your own stuff!"
Me: "Ma'am I work in a title 1 school where my students can't even afford food for dinner, or clothes when they grow. There are many homeless families in our county."
Her: "Well, that's just too bad for them!"


At that point, I just walked away. I cannot BELIEVE the audacity of people. First of all, that notebook you're waving in my face costs 17 cents, for all four notebooks that the teacher outrageously asked for that will cost you a grand total of,  gasp, 68 cents. And those glue sticks? Well, those cost a whopping 10 cents. For all the items on school supply lists-there are bargain prices. A set of 10 markers are 50 cents at Wal*Mart. Scissors? 50 cents. A set of 12 pencils will run you 94 cents. You can get your child's full school supply list, and then some, for under 10 dollars. That $10 is a small investment to put toward your child's education, don't you think? No, teachers aren't out to secretly get you on the cost of school supplies- we don't get a cut of the profits from the manufacturers. No, we don't ask for a specific type of markers because they cost more, we request a specific type of marker because they work better for YOUR child.


Let me focus on that for just a minute. You say that buying school supplies is too expensive and it is outrageous for teachers to ask for cheap items such as spiral notebooks-but then, if you walk into a classroom that isn't decorated, or the library isn't full of books for your star child to read, that teacher is clearly not a good teacher. Am I correct? I am about to blow your mind. 


Teachers pay for every item in their classroom. They pay for the bulletin board papers, the borders, the books, the alphabet above the board. They pay for the dry erase markers, the hand wipes, the pencil sharpeners. The books in their class libraries, the cute carpet on the floor, the curtains on the windows, the posters on the walls. NONE of that is funded by the school district. Every single decorative item in a classroom, hell, every item besides the desks and chairs is purchased by the teacher, with their own salary, from their own pocket.  


In my classroom alone, I have spent over $3,000; and this is on the low end of the spectrum. YOUR child is my every thought; when I walk in to Target, I stop at the dollar section to see if there are books I can buy for little Sally and Joe to read. I have even gone so far as putting back food items for my lunches to buy supplies for your children.  To me, Ramen noodles for lunch and dinner are worth it if I can buy your child a book he is interested in reading. 

I am not writing this post to make you feel bad for teachers, or to brag amount the amount of money I spend on my job. I am more than happy to put my earnings back into my classroom because I truly believe that a classroom should feel like a home, that every child should have the supplies he or she needs to be successful. (I won't even go into the pay cut we just received, or the professional development days that were docked from our salary as well) 


I want YOUR child to succeed in school, and for that, I will gladly continue to invest my meager paychecks  while you bitch and moan over contributing $10 (a year) for their school supplies. 

It's done, MOVE ON FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I don't know how much more obvious I can be about this point, I might as well be blue in the face, or just start making out with their ex. I have: made FaceBook statuses about it, written emails, bitched, moaned and complained-but apparently it was not obvious enough. So, Ladies and gentlemen, please sit back and open wide because this pill you are about to be served will be served hot-blooded, and without a glass of water to chase it.

Relationships are beautiful while they last (well, most are anyway) and even if they end "amicably" (is that even possible?) they end. They are: Done, over, kaput, ancient history, concluded, see you never, good-bye. Hence forth, that person is gone from your life.

As the family/friends/distant relatives of the people who are no longer in the relationship-you cut ties with the ex as well, that's just how it's done for the love of God! I don't care if you are the ex's best friend, business partner, lawyer, OBGYN-you end that relationship with a wave and a fake "see you later". Sure, it sucks, and you might want to cry, but Jesus, don't you care that you are making everything extremely awkward for the person that used to be in the relationship? What is wrong with you? Have you no decency?

If my brother/mother/ex best friend/pediatrician/grocery store cashier was begging my ex to still talk to them- I am pretty damn sure I would disown them, or at least file a complaint against them. Talk about not being loyal. Which is a great segway to my next point: Loyalty, Where does your loyalty lie? Apparently it lies with the ex. Do you honestly think anyone feels like they can trust you? Or even be your true friend? Nope, not me, not ever. And forget about the family member/friend/plumber that you are backstabbing-HA that relationship is so damaged by your selfishness that it can't possibly ever be repaired.

Sure, you might say "But I am an adult, I swear I am! I can talk to whomever I want!" And you are certainly right, you absolutely can talk to anyone you want to, but it comes with a huge cost. Are you willing to pay it? Obviously you are.

So we have talked about how you are making the person in the past relationship feel, but now it's time to focus on how you are making the person in the new relationship feel: Worthless, cheap, valueless, insignificant, and un-wanted. I bet you didn't even THINK about that, now did you? And you probably didn't because if you are the type of selfish person who insists on maintaining a relationship with an ex, you clearly are not thinking about anyone but yourself.

Ok, so we have touched on the ex-relationshipee, and the new relationshipee, now let's talk about the ex you are trying to stay BFFEAEFL (thats best friends for ever and ever for life) with. Have you ever thought about why they haven't really responded to you? or Don't particularly reply to your facebook posts on their status/wall/pictures/updates/messages? Or why your calls to them have gone unanswered or unreturned? It is so simple I am literally laughing in your face: It's because THEY WANT TO MOVE ON TOO! They don't want to be stuck with people from their past, God. I didn't think such an obvious point could be ignored.

I am so so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this: But you are seriously screwing yourself on all accounts; instead of being friends with the ex you have lost your family/friends/new relationship friendship/homeless man behind Winn-Dixie/innocent child playing on the playground; no one wants to be close to a person that is so willing to stab you in the back.  Let people move on in life and move forward.